COLLEGE ESSAY HELP! BODY AND INFO?

[Boss]

I am writing a college essay. It is just rough draft so far. The topic is to write a personal statement telling us more about themselves and why they are considering. My topic is why I have changed and matured. There is three important reasons. This is my essay body:

Introduction - Getting into why these 3 most important things changed me and my life
My high school-how it impact my life and how I change to who I am
My Uncle-how he made me who I am from birth and my role model
Computer-how i got interested and want to major in computer engineer
Conclusion-Why VCU would be good for me and how it would help my career.

I left out some detail from my first question. Is this a good outline and info?

[edwinjones]

Sounds good. Your essay is well structured and gives answers to what the university wants in a crisp manner. And it'll be nice if you ask ask your friends or even your high school teachers to understand if your draft is good, since they would know you better and could point you in the direction. And once you're done with the final essay it's better to get it checked with a teacher, or even getting professional help is worth the money you would be spending. Since the essay could well decide if you get that admit or not.

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